I’ve moved camp to Mt Elden, which happens to be nearly on the very other side of town…which means it’s a very long drive. This all started Thursday morning when I decided I didn’t want to hall the KLR in its trailer because I never made the ramp and platform that would allow a solo load. In Cali back at the family’s home it took Dad, JT and myself to get the moto up the narrow ramp. The trailer was designed for smaller bikes in the 250cc to 350cc range, max. Getting the KLR onto it was just a clumsy ordeal as is…and once out of California I left it just that- as is.
So the moto was stashed in the forest, fully camouflaged and hidden from non-scrutinizing eyes and the trailer was taken to storage. Strawberri (the FJ62), Marmu and I went into town and began the transition for the our next camp. The Froggie and I arranged a clever plan to meet up on her way out of town so she could drop me off at the moto -of course with new Camp, Strawberri and Marmu ready and waiting...at least that was the plan.
Plans never seem to happen according to what comes up during planning, especially when I’m at the helm. That was all on Wednesday.
Enter Thursday, if you please.
Camp established. Complications and sleeping-in require we meet up all the way up on the other side of the mountain where I am ready with all my moto gear and most importantly: the keys to KLR. We make the long bumpy (grumpy) ride off the mountain and head directly to Mountainaire…oh yes, actually we stop at The Coffee Pedaler to order some drive-thru espresso for me and a smoothie for her (which reminded me of jolly ranchers). Okay,
now off to Mountainaire. Nice when things actually -finally- go ‘according to plan‘. We arrive at said former camp-site, say our heartfelt goodbyes. Then what-do-you-know, all the moto gear comes off in a hurry. A Fox DS jacket, an EVS pressure suit, , knee braces under riding pants and it’s almost 80 degrees out. Gear desperately littered the forest floor.
The days riding objectives for the Gecache Run are reviewed as I undress the KLR from it’s covering. I go over a mental inventory of the things needed for the day, making sure that I hadn’t forgotten anything. Camo’s all the way off and I pull my keys to unlock the disc brake rotor lock.
Only I don’t have the key.
Sigh.
The keys to the moto and even the Land Cruiser I brought. The key I needed I did not.
The disaster on my hands rampaged through my aggitated emotional mind and Polliwog was immediately phoned. It had been maybe 20 minutes since she left. Could she be too far away? Now what? I was holding in my frustration and trying to keep a cool head. I hated making these kinds of silly mistakes. ‘Why in the world do I have the key to this motorcycle lock not with the ignition key?. Oh I remember! yeah, so it doesn’t rattle when I’m riding and besides, it’s on the ring with all the other lock keys.
Brilliant.
What a mistake! and I slowly gave in to the infuriation with myself. This mistake would put me further behind and inconvenience who else knows who. Re-hid the bike and made sure to do it very well. Gathered all my things so we could be on our way quickly.
She came, she hugged, and she could easily percieve the dark cloud that had began to loom over my head.
“Where shall I take you?”
“As far as you can and are willing to…”
She was very behind in her own objectives to get to California, so taking me all the way to camp was not an option. The closest we would get was Macy’s, just south of the tracks in downtown. I tried to hear and receive her calming reassuring words. However, once you’re in a muck, it takes a whole lot to get out. I began to walk to town contemplating my options to solve the dilemma that same Thursday. Everyone I knew in town worked at that time of the day and I had a serious problem with asking people for help. It wasn’t a pride thing either. This long time condition was based in a fear and aversion to imposing myself on people; especially friends. This attitude and position had gotten me in trouble in the past and now it was back to haunt me. Okay.
Solution: I shall walk up to camp, retrieve the key, ride the mountain bike into town, stash it at Babbitt’s, and then try to get a ride back in the evening when most people will be off of work. On my own, I was willing to see the situation in no other way.
I went to Babbitt’s Backcountry to ask the favor of stashing my gear there. I got to say a much needed hello to Jerry, one of the head honcho’s of the outfit and we exchanged some small talk and a few laughs. Then a familiar woman‘s voice softly calls from behind, “Daaaaviiiid“. I turn around and there she was : Sahar! It was a much needed surprise. Jerry hadn’t seen her since winter either and was surprised as well. She explained how she had been following me since the drop off. As she spoke, a paper with a written list was presented by outsretched giving arms. They were the numbers of her personal friends. She attempted to calm me once more and encouraged me to get over the anger targeted at myself. Together we walked down the streets of downtown, as we had inumerable times before, this time to her truck which was parked a short distance away. I was grateful of her care. I picked up the store phone and called the first number.
An answer on the other side.
It was Generous 'Anna.
And I was saved.
2009 June 29At first I wrote that (the date above) as [09June29], thinking that no one would mistake it for “the 9th day of June 2029”. But then it occurred to me that I could definitely live to the year 2029 as it is only 20 years away. Unless of course it is my fate that life ends before or on that year or even an hour of that 9th day of of the 6th month.
2029 seems a distant imagination until the context is changed ever so slightly. Now it feels very short as I have -and could never- as a concept, if these days are in fact ‘numbered’ before then. And so, I think to myself, “What little time there seems to be.”
Saturday evening I made friends with a fellow outdoors enthusiast who was up for the weekend from Phoenix. She brought her 5th wheel, 250cc Yamaha trail bike, and a six inch travel Santa Cruz. She invited Marmu and I to her camp that evening. Marmu made great friends with her very playful dog, Wyatt, which is always a delight -her making friends with other canines that is. I encouraged the behavior in Marmu and told her that slowly-but-surely we could both learn how to play nice.
The Syraz 2005, Red Bicyclette bottle of wine, fit nicely at an angle in the tank bag of the KLR. I picked it up from Safeway on the way back up the mountain after the day’s failed course work (due to another faulty GPS). Pork chops, onions, potatoes and salmon grilled over a camp fire was on the night’s menu and before that we enjoyed a wonderfully orchestrated salad of spinach, shredded carrots, craisons and sugar coated peanuts. All dressed in a homemade jalapeño ranch sauce. I was inspired to eat salad on a regular bases.
The conversation was good and honest with this sincere individual and ranged all over from the mundane to the personal. She told of how all her life she typically longed to be away on some adventure, usually in the outdoors, finding an avenue to express her spirit. At that point in living, she had managed to whittle her work hours to 25 a week and to get away to play nearly every week’s end She figured it would take about ten to fifteen before she could retire and play full-time. Such planning provides predictability and minimizes variables in the quest for success. I on the other hand am trying something different, for I plan on the probability that there is no future. With this philosophy, the only variable I eliminate is the luxury of prediction itself.
I look around as I write and see a loyal companion in Marmu, a very capable overland vehicle,a large dual sport motorcycle, one of several bicycles, and a bunch of equipment at my disposal. Yet sometimes -actually many times- I feel a lack of what is needed. In all reality, I don’t need any of it to live, as all this stuff has manifested itself into my life out of convenience and desire and one day they too will be gone.
Sherryl says to me at one point during the night’s conversation, in substance, “Just do the things that you love to do in life while you can” and we live it [life] with meaning -To live it to its fullest. This is not an unfamiliar philosophy. It is one I can appreciate. Though it may not reflect my new found friend’s deepest feelings I noticed the absence of living for the benefit of others from the formula -something I hope I can strive for but often feel that I forget to even consider, from each moment to the next. For those that care -this includes myself- it is too often difficult to see how one individual can aid in the movement of humanity to decrease suffering from our condition. Paradoxically, we are bathed in this sense of hopelessness. One encouraging thought is that today, unlike anytime in modern history, so much of the world’s population is concerned about this struggle . It is a clue to our current point in the evolution of our species.
In this lifestyle I am attempting to live, I have imagined many projects to work towards. This Monday morning, reflections drive me to reevaluate what I am doing, driven by a growing sense of aimlessness as suggested by the recent months of emotional recklessness. The particular projects that do not put me in a direct path with people, aim to facilitate a conditioning of the mind, for the purpose of preparing myself for the opportunity to act when the time comes, such as the year 2013’s tour of Asia. Adversity seems to be the catalyst to bring about what lurks beneath the surface of the mind and many of the adventures I hope for aim to produce just that; an opportunity to choose how I can be which is the basis of who one can potentially become.
The highest desire within which I am aware of is to cultivate one relationship. It is a relationship of singularity. That singularity is
Love. One must never deny emotions nor the fact that we desire, we crave. Change begins with the desire to be different and the one thing in existence that can always be counted on is Change, as everything is in constant flux. However, the ineffable phenomenon I refer too is not subject to the laws of change as it is outside the realms of physics. We merely refer to what we experience. Because I am a physical being ,I desire, and my highest desire is to Love. Before one can even begin to do this, one must get to the threshold. And so I begin with myself. At this stage of the endeavor I can apply it through honesty.
I have been so quick to anger and hate for myself. This has slowly been spreading without. This hatred and anger finds expression as rage and as a despise for certain personality types. It has reached the point of fantastic violence. But I choose not to embrace. I choose another path. Destruction is yet another component in existence, and in nature it is always kept in balance. And now Nature acts on my behalf as I turn my back on the this lust for Indulgence. The GPS unit I have been using quit again making it the third to fail. I forgot my key to unlock the motorcycle and I was in a state of devastation. Money and timing seemed to work against me at times in Europe and I was delivered into Misery. Yet in retrospect it is clear nothing went wrong as they were the unexpected conditions to the next turn of the page, for the story went on and I write today at leisure.
How ironic, it struck me this morning ,that the preparation of a for-fun motorcycle rally would bring me such agony, when the point was to facilitate adventure and joy with others. I had lost perspective and the original vision. The point is and always has been to give, to share. Such an act is another form of “training and preparation”. After this DS gathering will be the AZT via a fixxed gear/SS. That adventure is about solitude and mental training.
The year 2013, if I am destined to make it that far, will be the ultimate opportunity for honesty and singularity this mind can fathom today. The end result, well…
“The partner who crosses my path relies on my honesty to act on their behalf, for we are karmically bound the moment we meet.
I must not steal away with their destiny. I must only act responsibly -Responsibly surrender that identity.”-The Stranger
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